it's so so so so so much less laggier there than here. i believe most LJ users have realized that recently LJ seems to have very slow loading speed as compared to other journal hosts.
so here !!!
http://moz-zarellache-esepie.blogspot.co
is my NEW HOME :))))
am considering to privatize it cause some posts are not meant for someone to read. after reading it's always loads of misunderstandings flying around people.
anyways, people !!! do pay a visit, put back nuffnang ads already haha. desperate for cash is like that de ma xDDD
link me up if you wish to, if not i beat you LOL !!! *wonder why i used the word "wish" in the first place.
sorry for the inconvenience caused due to inconsistent blog urls xDDD
Name: Jolynn
Date: 9/7/2008
Colorgenics Number: 04237561
Life for some time now has been somewhat depressing and you feel 'under the weather'. You are looking for a means by which you can escape from all the pressures of everyday life. But you must remember that the 'Past does not equal 'Tomorrow'. You are seeking a way to escape from all the trials and tribulations that oppress you at this time, but at least you haven't given up - if one pattern of behaviour doesn't seem to work then you'll change it for another.
You don't really give in. You follow your beliefs and ideals to the bitter end. You are the personification of stubbornness and whatever may transpire, right or wrong, you refuse to compromise or make concessions.
You feel very lonely and frustrated at this time but your shyness and modesty precludes you from establishing any deep form of relationship. You feel rather isolated and alone. You are egocentric and you believe that you are always right - well maybe you are - but you have a short fuse and are likely to take offence for the slightest reason.
Presently, you are trying to break away from a situation that is causing you considerable worry and concern. Things are getting on top of you and you are feeling depressed almost to breaking point. Obviously there must be a way out - but at this time the solution seems to be escaping you. You want to 'get away from it all' and as a consequence you appear to be sullen and introverted and refuse to get involved in any discussion or arguments which could aggravate the situation. Accept the fact that 'as you feel - so your body will respond' and 'pretend' to the world about you that everything is going beautifully as, if you act as if 'all is going well' everything will, whether you believe it or not, work out as you would like it to.
You are a leader and possibly at this tine in a position of authority, but you are experiencing problems. You are not quite sure how to handle the present situation.
Conditions are rather confusing at this time. You would like to involved with a particular person or a particular situation but you are holding back. You find it difficult to make a decision.
You feel that nobody really appreciates you and this is causing you considerable stress. You feel that you have to sublimate your emotions and this is depressing you no end. You feel that the only way you can resolve this untenable situation is to get away from it all and re-establish your own individuality. Co-operation is very important in your life, but this has not been forthcoming from anyone. No-one seems to care and it is because of this situation that you are finding it increasingly more difficult to let yourself go and as a result you are becoming more and more isolated and even, to some extent, introverted. You are displaying a touchy and an over sensitive personality. Trying to take on the whole world doesn't help - you need to relax.
Be it through unfulfilled emotional requirements, whatever the circumstances you are experiencing considerable stress, be it mental or physical. To your credit you are attempting to escape from this by endeavouring to create a semblance of peace and serenity by refusing to allow yourself to be involved. You have the strength to 'pull through' and all indications are that you will... perhaps sooner than you even believed possible.
You feel utterly wretched - worn out. The demands that other people have been making on you have depleted your strength and stamina. You feel powerless to try to remedy the situation on your own and you are looking for what is hopefully known as 'divine intervention'. But be assured your salvation lies in yourself - you have the ability so use it.----------------------------------------
WOOOTS ~~~~ if i have to highlight those that are true for me i will highlight almost the whole thing. so those that i highlight are not true =))) but it's kinda accurate. other than those that i highlighted, the rest are SUPER FREAKING TRUE !!!!!!!!!!! it's totally hit bull's eye luh !!!!!!!!
so many people appear right after you're gone, but all of you are making me confused. maybe i'm gonna revert back to my flirt flirt past character =)) it's so much less painful when you're not devoted.
well though i don't feel the pain of losing you now, but i guess after sometime i'll feel lonely. sooooo ...... let's make merry =))))
currently craving: vegetarian fishballs !!!!
to love: shut the fuck up and disappear from my life !!!! i hate love !!!!
7th september 12.03 A.M. --> a lonely driver once again ..........
take it as i got dumped or whatever. laugh if you want.
the thing about him saying he will come back if we think we can be happy together, will not be possible anymore. because at the same time he already said he's not gonna look at us anymore, so it's a fullstop, no more a comma.
today so many bad things happen at one go, so many signs telling me to leave him easy. xsg appeared, blah blah. i took off my ring. took off the watch. although i was sooooo prepared for it, but when i reach home and read things, my heart can't help but tear.
anyway, it's ok. he's happy without me, i should learn to believe him that he love me. or rather LOVED me.
what he wants to say now i will just believe. anyway, even if he choose to lie now, it wouldn't hurt me one bit anymore.
single, but not available.
nausea =(((
don't try to guess what it means =))) though it's a music term but it has nothing to do with music =)))
was feeling very bad today. cause stomach feels weird weird.
today i sang alto =((( sometimes tenor =((( it's like 12years i only sing sop, then now my voice coming back but very man LMAO !!! ate some sandwich that edward bought for us, and stomach felt super wierd.
then the wierd thing comes. we went to PS hk cafe, and i actually have no appetite !!! like how ar ......... then on the train home, i felt stomach ache and nausea coming tgt, like how ar.
totally wasted when i got home. camped inside the toilet. fever everything come again =((( i don't know what's wrong with my body, it seems to be protesting. maybe cause i eat less than a meal everyday. no choice, not in a very good mood.
well .........
when i look into my future,
i can't seem to fit you into the picture anymore.
have you changed ?
that's all floating in my mind. cause you seem to be erasing yourself from that picture.
EDITTED
i was trying to sleep just now but my mind suddenly was thinking, tomorrow i have work, will my bf be coming ?
then i thought again, is he still considered my bf or what ? i don't know what he treats me as now but i just don't wanna find out.
then this thought mo ming qi miao came to my mind. and that is to let go. to follow the stupid saying that if it's meant to be yours it'll come back.
though i'm very scared to let go, but i think that's the only way to find happiness. if he doesn't really wanna care, i think i waste time re-iterating on that point will also be wasting his time too, because if he doesn't want to, no matter how much i say, the need to treat me well will not be there.
sometimes i feel that i cannot blame you, because you don't love me maybe because i'm not worth your unduly care and concern.
so i'll just leave it natural, not say anymore about heart or love, and let you realize what's in your heart on your own. although i know a part of it has me, i don't want to make you prove anything anymore, unless you choose to.
if you don't like me, you can choose to ignore me until the day, you xin gan qing yuan come back to love me again.
but .... please don't take your time, my threshold for pain is not as good as it was anymore. because when it comes to today, then i know, so all along is me asking you to love me, not you asking yourself to.
i feel ashamed, but i can't help it. now i'm just like tearing another piece of my flesh to let go of you, give you freedom to feel what you wanna feel, let you choose whether you wanna come back. i know it's a risk, but i hope it's worthwhile.
i'm not saying this to make you feel guilty or like you're owing me anything. it's just that these two days not having feel you needing me at all makes me realize this point that if you don't wish to treat me good, no matter how hard i try, it's pointless.
say i don't have the ming also can, but i think i just have to face your heart, face the truth. no, we haven't broke up, but i think i'll just call you my darling, nothing else ........
god .... can you let me go to sleep peacefully please ? i'm tired too ....
suan le, WA LUN !!!! ren !!!!
going to lebomia practice later, don't know for what when i've got no voice xD because i miss them ba =))) at least they don't play dao =pp
to someone: i almost felt like deleting your journal yesterday night LOL !!! better watch your attitude.
but i guess after i watch this drama series, i find myself to unlucky. the female leads no matter having happiness in the end or not, they still at least have the male lead to truly care for them, think for them. now let me think back, i once had someone like that too, but it was me who let him go away. maybe it's fated ba, for me never to be really cared for by anyone, even my parents. fate, really fate.
financial status --> down
love status --> needless to say, in the sea
sanity status --> down
work status --> floating in the middle
fun status --> non-existent
i really hope i can meet a guy, who will be like my big brother, and plan out a week filled of outings and surprises for me. maybe one day we go to the zoo, the other to somewhere special i've never been before. i've also wished for sucha man to come by as my best friend. i've always wished for someone who really cares for me, and just purely wants to see me to be happy. HAH !!! xiang tai duo le la ............
sighs .... i suddenly feel emo.
it's either i don't pin hopes on him to put effort or i just ignore everything that's painful and act like nothing has happened. i think that's the only way he doesn't feel pressured to care for me. hah, better than watching him do things that is not from the bottom of his heart. suan le, maybe relationship is just like that ba. when the other party bo xim, there's seriously nothing you can do about it.
mommy says i'm crazy, cause i put my pack of chicken rice into the fridge for 3hours before eating it. she says i'm in love with diahrroea LMAO !!! indeed i am.
why am i torturing myself because of the pain you give me ?
is there any anesthesia i can take to numb it ?
OH YA !!! tml i'm going to my xiao di's house to fix his com. AISEH !!!! jolynn high tech sia haha !!! scared i crash him com man xD just go there trial and error lor, who ask only me have the windows XP disc. pirated one luh xD
going for lebomia practice after that.
sunday dahlan's making a trip down to town to look for me =))) YAY !!! so sad that gj darling is going overseas for studies. to london for 5years leh !!!!!!!!!! OMG !!! sure miss her like crazy.
well, at least this holiday isn't as boring as it seems =)))
i wanna go ice skating alone !!! =ppp i miss the feeling of freedom and fun man !!! hope my peeps are still frequentin there. hmmmmm ........
☆~ When she stares at your mouth = "Kiss her"
☆~ When she pushes you or hits you like a dumb ass cuz she thinks shes stronger than you = "LET HER BEAT AND ACT PAINFUL"
☆~ When she starts cursing at you trying to act all tuff = "Kiss her and tell her you love her"
☆~ When she's quiet = "Ask her what's wrong"
☆~ When she ignores you = "Give her your attention"
☆~ When you see her at her worst = "Tell her she's beautiful"
☆~ When you see her start crying = "Just hold her and don't say a word"
☆~ When she steals your favorite pillow = "Let her keep it and slp with it for a night"
☆~ When she doesn't answer for a long time = "Reassure her that everything is okay"
☆~ When she looks at you with doubt = "Back yourself up"
☆~ When she says that she likes you = "SHE REALLY DOES MORE THAN U COULD UNDERSTAND!"
☆~ When she looks at you in your eyes = "Don't look away until she does"
☆~ When she says it's over = "She still wants you to be hers"
☆~ When she reposts this = "She wants you to read it"
☆~ Stay on the phone with her even if she's not saying anything
☆~ Call her at 12:00am on her birthday/anniversary dates to tell her you love her
☆~ Treat her like she's all that matters to you
☆~ Stay up all night with her when she's sick
☆~ Watch her favorite movie with her or her favorite show even if you think it's stupid
having reach home after 12midnight also can scold. smoke also can scold. everything also can scold. i'm already 18, and i had enough of all the nonsense.
having to be an adult yet a child at the same time, how you tell me how. i've to carve out my future because my diploma ain't gonna help me, yet at the same time have to follow your restrictions. you never have any idea how hard is it to be me.
no matter how hard i work, you will say is i bring it upon myself, but when i don't work, you say i'm lazy. i've to work, study and do household chores and reach home by 12am to be a good person. tell me how you do that.
i had enough, i wanna move out. i'm dead serious.
if you guys can find any room for rental that's damn cheap, do intro to me. just a very small room will do.
i've lost my voice, and i don't think i wanna speak anymore. i don't wanna tell bf cause i know he's tired and he will not be bothered about anything but his sleep now (like always). no one's gonna be here for me. i will survive on my own.
went out for priscilla's pre-celebration for her birthday. met up with wan qing and zang also. couldn't find lighter to light the candles for priscilla as particularly that day i decided not to bring cigs =.= see so suay.
sushi tei was closed down for renovation so we went to chicago steak house. and guess what, i ordered lagsana without knowing there's beef inside. eat halfway then realize =.= so i ordered fish&chips, and found hair in it.
the staff were nice luh but then when they denied the hair thingy i was kinda pissed off about it lor. it's like under the fish itself, how can it be the hair flying around. brrruudddiiieeee hell. no discount or whatever. pissed pissed pissed.
went to ben&jerry by car. forgot to add, vincent and wan qing's friend, khoo fang arrive. i had to sit at the back of the car alone =((( scared they forget me so i keep scaring them from behind HAHAHA. i realized that khoo fang and me have very similar taste buds, hates peppermint chocolate chip ice-cream and doesn't like ben&jerry haha.
today was my first visit, and i still think mr bean cafe's brownie is wayyyyyy better haha. ben&jerry's one is far too sweet and the ice-cream was so-so, brownie was so-so too, yet the price wasn't so-so. matthew joined us halfway, i love talking to him =))))
it was kinda late and tml we are working for IT show so we went separate way. me and pris went home by train and the rest i don't know where they went after that LOL !!! probably now still having fun outside haha.
while walking to the station, darling called, felt so bad to leave pris alone haha. YAY !!! he's back, and poor him, going to wake up tml at 6plus to acc me so IT show do sai kang LMAO !!!
random post but that's all folks, i'm tired !!!
those going for IT show, do drop by to say hi =)))
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